Disturbing Dream

I had the most disturbing dream last night. It was about my mother. She had come back to life from being dead a month. I remember saying in the dream how odd it was that she'd been gone a month and then just began to breathe again as if she'd never stopped. The disturbing part was that I accepted it and basked in the love that was my mother's glow without telling anyone. I didn't want to leave her, I wanted more time to be with her, talk with her and I didn't want to share her with anyone. So we did, most of the dream I sat there, incredulous, on the floor by her bedside dishing about this and that.

The thing is, I let my Mom go, with last year's post on the anniversary of her passing I told myself and her that I was done grieving. I think of her from time to time of course, but I don't dwell and I've replaced the images of finding her dead with images of times gone by. Christmas spent with she and my son. Power shopping for my little one's room the week before he was born. Cooking in the "little house on the prarie" with her. I know Mother's day has just past, and her "would have been" birthday is tomorrow, but what is my subconsious telling me here? I don't want to dwell. I want to remember her sure, but I don't want to cry about it anymore. It still hurts so much.