A little rain

I have about 13 blogs saved up on paper, but I keep leaving them at work. I guess they aren't relevant.
I'm so sad today.
I miss my mother.
I want to hate my family. It would make it easier.
I know I should be happy, grateful even, for the amazing life that I have. I should be reveling in the love of my husband and son, but all I can think of is that I was ignored by my family (save one) and it's something my mother would have never done. I feel such a disconnect. Damn that I can never see less than two points of view. There is a part of me saying, how important is it? What is the big deal. And then there is the huge hole in my heart saying that I've never been that important to them anyway, and that it is my own fault.
I don't know how to feel. I just want the crying to stop.
And I wish I could get the kind of hug my mom used to give that just made everything seem better.