A short goodbye

Wow, I haven't blogged in forever. I guess I haven't had much to say. Today I have something to say.

Today, I said goodbye to my husband.

Early last summer we got the heads up that he was on the list to go on tour. I got aprehensive. Then we were told that he likely wouldn't go because the primary list was pretty locked up with people that wanted to go. Then in late August they told us that he was a 'primary' alternate. Then in late September he was bumped to the primary list. Now, this morning, he's gone.

I was prepared for this. I knew when we started dating it would happen, eventually. Heck, I even want the tour because it will make things happen for us, financially, that otherwise probably wouldn't.

It's funny because this morning we woke up, like every other day and did our morning routine and I was fine. We shoveled the walk, took out the trash, had our breakfast and coffee, woke up the kid and went to the deployment parade. Then this man said, we're going to do this, that and this other thing, and then you'll have 30 minutes to say goodbye. Guys, you'll need to be on the bus at 6:55.

WHAT?! I only have 30 minutes to say goodbye to the man I love? Are you insane? Our pillow talks when we're dog tired take longer than that.

I started to cry. I didn't want to. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to show my honey that I practice what I preach. (I hate the reality tv people who are separated from their families for a few weeks and then whine about how hard it is to be away from them.) I crumbled. I am weak.

The worst thing is was that 30 minutes was the longest I've had in forever. I didn't know what to say. I must have told him I loved him a hundred times. I couldn't think of anything else to say. Moments before, we were laughing about how deep the snow was, talking about his new gadgets, going over the laundry list of items that need to be taken care of, but in those last 30 minutes I had nothing. I only knew that for the next few months I would not have those talks, or the cuddles, or the strength that I have come to depend on. All that is being loaded on a plane, while I am left behind with only his hero picture.