Giving it Back

After my mother's passing, I went to go see the high priestess of my former circle. We talked of many things, but she said something to me that really stuck. That is that I am carrying burdens of my past that serve nothing except to hurt me, and in order for me to keep growing, I need to let them all go. These burdens teach no lessons, and worse than that I seem to drag them out in order to flog myself with them. A torturous device of my own keeping. After rereading my last post I realize that I have a real big one and it is time to let go.

Dad,
When I was a child and you went off to work, coming home only on the occasional weekend, I asked Mom why. She said it was something you had to do for us all and not to mention it to you because it hurt you to be away from us as much as it hurt us not to have you there. I accepted that answer, but it made me think that if not for me, you would have been at home.
When I was twelve and began to rebel, it was because I was given everything. I was given expensive toys, expensive clothes and plenty of time to be by myself. I had time to think of what I wasn't given. I had plenty of stuff but because I wasn't learning disabled or a sports star I was deemed fine to be there alone, resenting every second you and Mom spent with my brother. I hated him for it then and that feeling has never left me. I still hate him for it and it isn't his fault.
When Mom and I had all our problems I used to crave your coming home from work because it meant that I got to come home to the picture of home, hearth and happiness. I bought into your picture of family because I wanted it too, I always wanted it. I would make nice with Mom just so I could spend 10 minutes on a Sunday morning in love, feeling a part of a family that didn't want me.
When I was older I tried to meet you as an adult. I wasn't an adult, but I tried to be so maybe we could have a common ground. I moved out, moved away, moved back and the entire time I remember having you worry about me because I was making mistake after mistake and I kept on making them so I could cry to you how I didn't know what I was doing. Every so often it worked.
I have come to realize that in the past 5 years that a goodly portion of the time I've spent crying has been for you; for the time we haven't spent and for the relationship we don't have. Until today I have trudged on still feeling like I don't matter all that much to you. I mean how could I mean anything to you at all, when you have to steal away from your girlfriend to see me; or when you have to beg or bribe her to have me in your house. How is it that you can cast me and my family aside so quickly and easily to accommodate her? I feel like I'm twelve years old again, but instead of hating my brother I have to hate her. But it is not her fault either. She may give you the ultimadeum, but you take it. You choose. And again I don't feel worthy. I can send you positive and glowing progress reports of how I am making my life better and they are met only with your platitudinal indifference. And it isn't good enough. I don't feel good enough. I don't know what I have to do to be good enough, but I am tired of trying.
I am an adult now. I have my family. I have my picture of home hearth and happiness. I have worked for it. I give my blood, sweat and tears to them and I make it work daily. It is my labour of love. I may not make the money Vance does, I may not have the things but I'm happy with who I am. I am happy with what I have accomplished. I don't need your approval. I refuse to let your ignorance of me affect me any longer. I don't need it and you can have back all the tears I've cried for want of your love.

A little rain

I have about 13 blogs saved up on paper, but I keep leaving them at work. I guess they aren't relevant.
I'm so sad today.
I miss my mother.
I want to hate my family. It would make it easier.
I know I should be happy, grateful even, for the amazing life that I have. I should be reveling in the love of my husband and son, but all I can think of is that I was ignored by my family (save one) and it's something my mother would have never done. I feel such a disconnect. Damn that I can never see less than two points of view. There is a part of me saying, how important is it? What is the big deal. And then there is the huge hole in my heart saying that I've never been that important to them anyway, and that it is my own fault.
I don't know how to feel. I just want the crying to stop.
And I wish I could get the kind of hug my mom used to give that just made everything seem better.

Robin Williams Plan for Peace - Bullshit

I recieved this quaint bit of hate mongering propeganda in my email this morning from a friend. I'm sure that she like alot of people found it hillarious. I didn't however,find it funny. This piece of work made me really angry. A quick internet search shows that this email has been circulating since 2003, and like I state in the very beginning was NOT written by Robin Williams. I immediately started wrinting rhetort to each and every one of the author's points with the full intention of sending it out onto the internet to force my own beliefs side by side with his. James let me know how TRULY stupid that was. Thank the good Goddess for him. I am however posting it (the intended assault email) here as a way to vent my frustration towards the bigotry the author of this piece presented. That being said, I don't believe all Americans are like the Author. I do believe in the greatness that WAS the US, I believe in the good works laid down their founding fathers. I pray that one day the United States will rediscover their roots, leaving behind the self serving hatred and bigotry that we all have been subject to under the fascist regime of President George W. Bush.

Here it is.

Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says "I love New York" in Arabic. You gotta love Robin Williams......
Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

Robin William had nothing to do with this belligerent piece, with exception of the author’s illegal use of a tag line from one of his skits "The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' " That being said, Robin Williams has worn a shirt saying “I love New York” in Arabic.

Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)

Love how the author uses a celebrity to gather support for his ravings.

"I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan."

1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good ole boys", we will never "interfere" again.

The author starts off in provocation and it works. In reading this I'm mad because I know how American involvement in WWII was based on a “What’s best for us” scenario. One look into the WWII history books can tell you that. While I concede that without US involvement in WWII the outcome of the war would have likely been drastically different, I will reiterate that the US didn’t become involved in the eradication of these “Good Ole Boys” until most of the other world armies had already committed on side or the other (1941 vs 1938 and 1939) Then there is the author’s use of General Tojo among this list which is completely laughable, as well as self serving because General Tao was responsible for the bombing of Pearl Harbour, an American Military base. However grievous the crime, it isn’t too unexpected to have a military base struck during a time of war and if it wasn’t for that provocation, the US would have never gotten off it’s ass to join ranks with the elimination of said “Good Ole Boys” Until that point in the war, the Americans were contentedly cashing in while providing the Allied Forces with supplies and otherwise remaining neutral.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

I can’t think of a better use for the American Military. The insinuation that large numbers of people sneak through fence holes seems to be a direct slam to the Mexicans, a people are forced to continually pay for the infraction of waging war on Texas for 13 days almost two hundred years ago. Remember the Almo indeed.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are.They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.

Other than the smear to the French, I’ve got no issue with this. But it’s this kind of repeated sarcastic remark that leads the world to believe that Americans are an ugly people.

)4. All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

Once again the author shows his absolute lack of character and compassion as well as cohesive thought. A ‘Visitor’ is one that visits, and the author is right, 90 days should be sufficient for that, if not a special permit should be sought and issued. If the Americans chose not to allow peoples from a terrorist nation, who could blame them, it makes sense. However, assuming that all visitors and refugees seek to become illegal aliens is both audacious and impudent. However if the U.S. decided to close their doors to the impoverished and persecuted, that would again fortify the notion of the U.S.’s self serving nature.The further defamation that all immigrants become cashiers and cab drivers speaks more to the US's accessibility to re-education and social integration programs not to mention the job market. Many educated immigrants coming to the US with the promise of a brighter tomorrow are forced to take jobs as cab drivers and cashiers to pay their way through an accredited American University because their own education is considered substandard.

5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.

Again the author combines realism with prejudice. If a foreign student is failing, they should be deported, however assuming that one’s age has any bearing on the likelihood that the student is a terrorist is asinine.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

How wonderful it would be if the United States could find a way to be self-sufficient. It’s a pipedream, but I’m all for anything that gets the U.S. out of the resources of other countries. As for the poor caribou and their ability to cope, all I can say is that it wouldn’t be the first time Americans through their greed and lack of foresight have exterminated a species.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

I wonder how long the Americans could hold out without oil, a warehouse full of oil is money in the bank. Counter to that, oil producing countries have the luxury of stepping back oil production. Seems the author has bought into the American notion of being the ONLY First World Nation.

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

If it is at all possible for this author NOT to show the ugly face of the American general public I would be amazed. Whereas it is true that most ‘aid’ is immediately stolen, or transversely killed for, the aid that does make it to it’s intended recipient makes a world of difference, but if the Americans did not send their help it would be given by other more compassionate countries. The consequence for this however would be that when disaster strikes US soil (anyone remember Katrina) the US would most likely be standing by itself to clean up the mess and pick up the pieces without ‘aid’ or compassion from the world. Furthermore, during such a crisis who would the Americans pray to, because after that smack to the Muslim faith the Christian God would likely be far to embarrased to answer and Allah would have the author smimming in his own filth.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

There are many countries that would consider housing the UN a privilege, of course those countries do not have a President that would throw out the principles of the Geneva Convention either. Furthermore, it would be insulting to the good and honourable deeds of the UN to use it’s home as a detention (and now due to the “Dirty War’ Amnesty law I shall interject the idea of a torture) facility. It makes me ill to consider this.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it..or LEAVE ..Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

Unfortunately the author was never given the opportunity to attend charm school, or this political rant may have had some redeeming features. In many countries English is the primary language, but as most of North America is made up of immigrants of whom spoke many differents tongues, it is absurd to propose English as the only appropriate speaking language, especially when one stops to consider the educational availability to learn the difficult nuances of the English language. Rudimentary English skills are often not enough for the likes of this particular breed of biggot

"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "

This is actually from the mouth of Robin Williams, and when taken in context of the skit he intended it for, damn funny.


Man am I glad I didn't send that out on the internet ;)