Back to Life

I've been making allot of changes to myself lately. It's week 3, and I thought I should start diarising what's going on with me. Who knows? Maybe I can look back on this time and see what I did right for a change instead of looking back at what I've done wrong (no wonder there are no diaries of THAT)
So in the first week of August I decided I needed a change. I was tired; I was grumpy; I felt fat and unattractive; I was spending more and more time ignoring myself, smoking like a chimney and vegging in front of the TV or computer and spending even less time than normal in the company of others. I was drowning in my lack of enthusiasm. I have never experienced blah so thoroughly. I don't recommend it either. That's what you get with too much time on your hands and not enough to do.
So Step 1. Read a book. No not any book. Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking. I did this on August 6. I put my last cigarette out at about midnight-ish so my official stop smoking date is August 7. I got to say quitting has never been this easy, and I've quit about a hundred times before. Most attempts don't make it past the first day. I know this is the 'for life' quit. I'm glad for that. Of course the crappy thing about quitting is watching all the crud I'd been putting in oozing back out (ok, ooze is a strong word) so that leads me to...
Step 2. Take better care of my appearance. In the days that followed my quitting I started really looking at what smoking was doing to my face. My pores were all clogged, my skin was dry and tight, tiny lines were starting around my mouth. Not to mention every period came with a teen style acne breakout... so I started using some of the girly skin washes for my face, you know the ones - pore reducing; astringent added, foamy cleanser things - and moisturizing afterwards. This is so huge for me; I've never stuck with any routine like this for very long. It still may not last, but my skin really is starting to look better for it, so I may just have to keep it up. I would say that I'm doing more for my teeth, but I've always been strict about brushing etc. of course now my whitening toothpaste seems to be doing it's job :) and then the real surprise I've started giving myself a mini manicure each morning. After about two weeks of not smoking and noticing what a difference my skin was undergoing with the morning regimen it was receiving, I started to think about my nails. I have the thinnest nails ever; there is absolutely no strength to them at all, they flake and chip and I suppose it doesn't help that I'm a biter... anyhow I got myself some of this lovely nail goo which is supposed to (with regular use) buff away cuticles and dead skin around your nails as well as infuse the nails themselves with vitamins etc. So I spend 15 minutes every morning with this stuff rubbing it into my nail beds and yeah, my fingers look nicer. I've always wanted pretty fingers. As far back as I can remember I envied the girly-girls who had the long hair, the slender frames, and long lady like fingers with a French style manicure. I grew up a reluctant tomboy. I wanted to be frilly and girly but it was always so much work that I would most likely ruin anyway. I mean you work so hard to shape your nails, then you break it and you have to start all over, or you take 30 mins out of your day to put on make up and then you rub your eye and you look like you're going to an Alice Cooper concert. But I digress; these are all reasons that I haven't in the past.
This leads me to step 3. Step 3 is dealing with the fact that I am 60-75 lbs overweight. I'm currently 200 lbs. I do not remember being less than 145 lbs anytime after 18. And honestly at eighteen I could have taken of 10 or 15. Hence the 60-75. I'm getting married next year. I want to look good for my wedding, Hell I want to look good for me, but I would like to have pictures taken of me again. I haven't allowed a photo to be taken of me in 4 years. The one up on this site is the most recent photo known to exist and it was taken in the summer of 02. Or possibly 01, I can't remember which, but it was a long time ago. So I've started jogging. Ok, not really. I just started this yesterday and I managed to jog 1/4 of the block and then I walked the rest of the way plus 2 more. I know that doesn't seem like much but I live on a really big block. The goal is to be able to run that distance. Today I hurt really badly; my thighs and hips feel as if they were pummelled with a large bat. I had to force myself, but I did walk the 3 times around the block. I used to love working out. I would go to the gym 6 days a week. I loved how I felt afterwards. I do remember that the first 4 weeks sucks though, so I just got to force myself to do this for another 26 days and then I'll look forward to it rather than dreading it.
Then there is Step 4. It too is in the works. A job. I haven't worked now in going on nine months. I had big plans for this time... I was going to do ... oh yeah, everything I'm doing now. But as they say, those who fail to plan; plan to fail. So I had the plan, but I didn't follow through. Now I have the plan back and a little at a time I'm putting them into motion. And I have my interview tomorrow. I'm taking temp work again, because there is just no sense in anything else I'll be moving in a year but I think I'm ok with that. I don't need benefits, and in the end I like being able to call the shots enough to say bugger off to a job I don't like. 8 hours a day is too long to be miserable I always say.So there, in the all and all I've started much in the last month. I'm a happy non-smoker, I'm taking better care of my appearance, working out, and starting a job right away and I'm keeping track of everything here. What more is there? Guess we'll see.